


ahead on my way.

by beemblebummed



Series: i'm still here - the story of Cloud Strife [2]
Category: CC:FF7, CC:FFVII, Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, FF7, FFVII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Trans Character, Trans Cloud, father figure Angeal, trans!Cloud
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-05
Updated: 2016-09-05
Packaged: 2018-08-13 07:15:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7967461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beemblebummed/pseuds/beemblebummed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cloud has made his way to Shinra training, but he's still worried about being seen as a girl. Angeal manages to help him feel at home during group combat training ; v ;</p>
            </blockquote>





	ahead on my way.

**Author's Note:**

> triggers/squicks  
> \- implied transphobia, in the sense that Cloud worries he'll be found out & misgendered/mistreated  
> \- that's all i can think of

I can feel myself getting more and more panicked, my breaths coming faster and my head getting lighter, my chest getting tighter. I’m trying my best to stand tall, to not lean on my hips, to keep my shirt tugged out just enough to conceal my chest even more. Being nervous and talking in my most natural deep voice doesn’t mix well, and I can already hear people calling me by my wrong pronouns, mistaking me for a girl.

 

It’s the first day as a trainee, and the SOLDIERs are going to be going over some things with us and some good melee combat tips. The three here to talk to us, Genesis, Angeal, and Sephiroth— all famous people from Shinra that I have been an admirer of since they became popular— are actually first class SOLDIER, but no matter what job branch employees go into, it’s a policy of Shinra’s to know at least a little bit of every combat type. Since these three are the best of the best, they’re going to show us what they are most talented with: swords.

 

I’m excited to say the least. I’ll get to really see the three amazing first classes, maybe even _talk_ to them. It’s thrilling, but I’m still terrified for so many reasons. All I can do right now is pray it goes well.

 

As all of the newest employees file in and line up neatly, directed by Angeal, I find myself between two brunette boys, who’s thick, sturdy frames cause me to get even more self-conscious of my teeny, not very muscular one. I’ll have to put in extra work to beef myself up, apparently. I’m not looking forward to that.

 

“All right, new recruits,” the dark haired first class begins, “as you all should have been informed, you’re here to get some melee combat training. It won’t be extensive, and will only continue through if you’re interested in being SOLDIER rather than something like an infantryman.”

 

“Policy demands of us to know several ways to really fight,” Genesis continues, his smooth but firm voice filling the room, “and to also know how to do fairly in each front. If you take interest in this kind of combat and would prefer to train as SOLDIER, like the three of us—” He makes a quick sweeping gesture of his two friends. “— are, then you will sign up with Director Lazard and will be assigned a first class to train and mentor you.”

 

I watch Sephiroth nod, but he doesn’t speak.

 

Angeal nods as well. “All right, kids, let’s get to work. Start pairing up, and we’ll begin!”

 

I nervously look around, and before I can even think about asking the boys standing on either side of me, they lean forward and talk around me, agree to partner up, and then move away from me. I now stand alone, heart beating faster, trying to look around quickly for a partner as casually as possible, but even if I find someone, I can’t convince myself to approach them until they already become part of a duo.

 

It’s instinctive, albeit the _last_ thing I want to do in any situation like this, but I look to the people in charge, and I end up making eye contact with Angeal. He seems puzzled, narrowing his eyes at me before tilting his head ever so slightly. It’s then that I opt to begin looking around again, even taking a few steps in each direction to make it obvious that _I am trying._

 

I don’t see Angeal peering around the room, searching and finding that everyone else has a partner now, and that I am the only odd ball out. It’s a near immediate overwhelming urge to start crying right there, but I try to hold out as long as I can. I stop looking, obviously, and then as inconspicuously as possible, start moving away from any of the areas occupied heavily by partners who begin talking excitedly, introducing each other, and getting ready to start.

 

With no partner, no way to actually train with a partner and feel like I’m actually blending in, my gaze goes to the ground, and I wait to either be called on or simply ignored. I vaguely hear Genesis give out some orders to take positions facing each other, and don’t see Angeal approaching me.

 

“Cloud Strife?” he asks, jolting me into awareness.

 

“Y-yes, sir!” I say as I come to attention, cringing inwardly at how shrill my voice is. “H-how can I help you, sir!”

 

“At ease, soldier,” Angeal says, his voice gentle, but commanding. “I see you don’t have a training partner. Is everything all right?”

 

I feel like I’m going to start choking up right here, or like my chest will explode, or my brain will shut down. I kind of wish I would just disappear, but I don’t, so I instead do my best to put a response together mentally before I speak.

 

“I just didn’t g-get to anyo-one in time, si-sir!” I stutter out. “It w-won’t be a problem!”

 

Maybe I just imagine it, but I could swear he smiles at me, before going back to an almost expressionless appearance. “No can do, soldier. We need everyone partnered up to do this demonstration. You need a partner, or you can’t finish this session.”

 

That’s it. I can already hear my voice shaking in my next reply, I can already see myself crying like a little baby in front of the man who’s probably going to be my superior until I leave Shinra, and on the first day, no less. Maybe Mama is _right_.

 

“I c-can wa-wait out the c-class, sir!” I say, and sure enough, my voice cracks on the last word. “I c-can cycle thr-through with someone e-else, when they’re finished, sir!”

 

And that’s when he actually smiles, long enough for me to register it as real. “ _Or_ … you can team up with me. Come with me, Cadet Strife, you can help me demonstrate.”

 

This is where I freeze up, staring at him before he turns and heads towards end of the room where his comrades stand. I get to train with _Angeal Hewley?_ It’s a dream come true and I practically run after him, but then it occurs to me, only as we’re getting to the front of every other new cadet, that I’m going to have to do this— and probably make a _fool_ of myself— in front of everyone.

 

“U-um, s-sir, I know v-very little about h-hand to hand combat, o-or sword fighting,” I whisper shakily to him before we can get within earshot of Genesis or Sephiroth. “Wh-what if I em-embarrass y-you?”

 

“Then you’ll learn how _not_ to,” he says. “You wouldn’t punish a newborn dog for not knowing how to see. They have to learn how before they can do it right, and there’s nothing to be ashamed of in being taught, or taking time to do something right.”

 

While the nature of that sinks in, Sephiroth and Genesis look up at us, and Sephiroth smirks lightly. When I actually notice it, I wonder if I’ve done something already, like put my uniform on wrong, do my hair in a stupid fashion, and yes, crossed a line or made a fool of myself by speaking to Angeal. Anxiety’s a bitch.

 

“Angeal, I thought we agreed to stop with the puppy metaphors,” Sephiroth says, and I remember then and there why I used to have the dumbest crush on him. “You are surely going to make this poor soldier avoid the creatures if you keep pushing all of those analogies.”

 

The dark haired man chuckles at Sephiroth’s words. “It was for a special occasion,” he says. “I think our new boy needed it.”

 

Genesis and Sephiroth both at me now, looking me over, studying me, waiting for me to say something. I think. I hope, actually, because I bow slightly and then introduce myself, relieved that— at least this time— my voice doesn’t shake on every ‘sir’ I say.

 

“Consider yourself special, young man,” Genesis says as he gives Sephiroth a rough shove away. It’s obviously done in a friendly manner, and Sephiroth shoves him right back, but they take position to begin training afterwards.

 

“Genesis is correct,” Sephiroth adds. “Angeal only bombards _special_ people with his dog-related metaphors, speeches, and the rare joke.”

 

Angeal shakes his head, giving his comrades a look, before helping me to mimic the position of the others, doing the same when I’m correctly standing. “I don’t make jokes,” he says. “The only jokes around here are those two.”

 

I laugh at that, and it’s then that I feel… like maybe it’s going to work out. Mama _is_ wrong, and I’m going to do well here, and it’s going to be fine. I’ll make sure of it.


End file.
